I’d be damned if I say I didn’t loved you. I did. So much that I didn’t ask you questions. So much that I let all be. So much that I hide how hurt I am. So much that every night I lay on my bed, I still wonder what went wrong. Probably you’re sound asleep at night knowing every bit of the details why we ended this way. So I think I have the right to make hypothesis to the reasons why.
Today I’ll be writing down from real to realest reasons why we ended:
- My HAIR
Remember when I texted you that I wanted to cut my hair? You said how much you love my long hair and you wanted it to stay that way. But then I listened to my heart and regardless your suggestion I cut it off. Was it because of my appearance or was it because I sometimes decide for myself?
2. Our JOB
We’re at the same company with same job description. We know well how our job works. We know well that at time our work can be tiring and busy. However, we also both know that if you care enough for a person you’ll at least give them a heads up thru a text or even a 5 minute call just to know how that person is doing well. You’re never that kind of person; you always have a reason why you don’t answer my texts, calls and never returned them.
- Your HEART
Perhaps one day you woke up and had a change of heart. Probably there’s that day when you saw me you didn’t foresee me beside you on the next days of your life anymore. Or probably your heart recognized someone else’s.
- Your SECOND JOB
I noticed everything changed when you got your job at this networking company. At first, it was totally cool to me. I was actually quite happy you got it since you can save for yourself and the future. However, lately you’ve been going home later that 10:00 pm. You’ve been staying out until 2:00 am. You explained how the people working there is orienting you and having talks from here and there. But is that the official working hours? Ridiculous. I was so stupid to believe that, no seriously, until now I am still convincing myself that maybe you’re out there working.
- Your FRIENDS
When you talk about your friends I can see that they play a vital role to your life and I was okay with that! It’s a shame I never get to meet them. It’s a shame that sometimes you rather go with them than to be with me. I don’t understand how I appear to be the stranger here.
- Your TIME
Time’s so precious that you can’t even give me a minute. Do I really look too kind for you? Too kind for you to make me feel this way? You make me feel like I am nothing. You make me feel like I don’t deserve your time. You make me think that I am like a side food from your main course; that whenever you feel like eating it that’s the only time you’ll pay attention to it.
- Your PRIORITIES
Do you remember my last message to you? I said that I didn’t deserve to be your 3rd, 4th, 5th or probably 10th on your priorities. I am not a demanding woman. Just to see you at least an hour and know how was your day is okay with me. However, you’re so dedicated to your work that you have been passing by me and didn’t even bother to look at me. I felt like a street lamp being passed by people. I felt like a love letter being burnt because it has no significance anymore. I felt like I was nothing, a mere stranger waiting for that person who said he loves her.
I am hurting so much and I know you don’t know it. You probably don’t care anymore. As much as I wanted to hate you I can’t because until now I am trying to enlighten myself on the reasons why. I am trying to understand why. I am trying to get by with my life holding on to these unreal reasons why.
I hope you happiness. I hope you find your happiness in letting me go. I hope you reach your goals in your career. I hope that while you’re on the process I, the one who dearly loved you, crosses your mind. I hope that when you get there you remember me as a woman who stood behind you, cheers you up and listens to every word you say.
I’ll be ending this letter with tears running down my cheeks. I’ll end this letter while I remember all the good things you did for me. I’ll be ending this letter hoping that someday I find someone not like you.
I love you and Good bye.
adastraadsum 